The Path Forward:

How to Heal From the Mother Wound and
Create an Authentically Empowered Life

The journey of healing is comparable to the Hero's Journey, a metaphor that powerfully captures the intricacies of what it means to be human. This familiar storyline follows a distinct pattern: an unlikely hero embarks on an expedition into the unexplored, encountering supportive mentors along the way. In their quest, they face and conquer their fears, triumph over formidable challenges, and return to their loved ones transformed, armed with the treasures of hard-earned wisdom. Through trials and triumphs, the hero is tested, thereby realizing their strength, finding empowerment, and uncovering latent aspects of their true self. Stories as diverse as Harry Potter, The Hobbit, and The Wizard of Oz throughout history have harnessed the potency of the Hero's Journey. This narrative speaks to our indomitable spirit and ability to overcome, provided we possess the courage to embrace the adventure that lies before us.

With the (S)Hero’s Journey in mind, this is the path I recommend for healing the Mother Wound. This is route I took in my own healing work and my prescription for healing with my clients. And while I have these listed as definite steps, the path to healing is not linear.

Step 1: Create emotional safety. Your nervous system is likely calibrated to a state of chronic stress. You may be caught in cycles of fight or flight or you may be frozen and feel disassociated and stuck. You may experience anxiety, worry, or depression. Or you may tune out as a defence. The lack of safety in your childhood has tuned your mind and body to chronic defence and fear. It is possible to tune your mind and body into states of peace and ease. Safety is required for growth; we simply cannot grow unless we feel safe. Radical self compassion is fundamentally necessary in order to move out of the fear and deep shame associated with childhood trauma. I cannot emphasize this enough! Equally important is being educated on how to create safety in the body, how to recalibrate our nervous system to be more calm and at ease, and how to create an effective self care strategy that actually works.

Step 2: Get curious about your childhood, here’s why:

• We took on certain behaviours and coping strategies that were necessary in childhood that are no longer needed and now cause us pain. The childhood home completely influences who we become, as it programs our subconscious mind—the foundation of our habits, thoughts, perceptions, beliefs, and motivations. Until we engage in deep healing work, we continue to live under the influence of our childhood state of mind and behavioral patterns. As adults, these patterns no longer serve us; they may have been appropriate for a child, but they are not suitable for an adult. Patterns such as perfectionism or chronic caretaking at the expense of oneself are coping mechanisms developed during childhood. We often mistake these traits for our true selves and may even believe they are part of our personality. This is what Carl Jung referred to as the False Self. By compassionately examining our patterns and how they are connected to our childhood, we can bring them into our conscious awareness and learn to work with them. With increased self-awareness, these patterns and behaviours begin to loosen their grip, allowing us to overwrite them with more empowered programming.

• Understand, feel, and release the pain you’re carrying from childhood. Children are unable to discharge emotional pain without help from their caregivers; a child's underdeveloped nervous system isn't able to do this on their own. A parent may also shame the child for expressing emotion, or the child may perceive that they are burdening the parent with their emotions and suppress them. When this happens, the child will dissociate from pain and feelings. We numb out and escape. However, until this pain is felt so it can be released, we continue to carry it. It’s unresolved, and what is unresolved will live in our subconscious and direct our motivations. So, we continue to carry this pain as adults and have many strategies in place to avoid feeling it. We may have addictions (most of us do - it’s very common and it’s okay - they are coping strategies), or we may keep ourselves really, really busy. We have a hard time being in the present because if we’re present with ourselves, we will feel this unresolved pain. We may even feel helpless and hopeless, so we continue to avoid it. However, adults don't feel helpless and hopeless; children do. When we're feeling helpless and hopeless, we are connected to the part of us that is our inner child. In order to heal, we need to reconnect with our body and emotions so that we can feel and release it. This can only happen if we feel safe (see Step 1).

Step 3: Discover my authentic self. If I'm not the False Self, who am I? I have had many women with ancestral trauma confess that they don't know who they are, what they value, and what they desire for themselves. Before I healed, I also felt like a stranger to myself. This is a function of living in a family where we have to 'fit in' rather than 'belong'. When we discover our authenticity, the truth of who we are, and live our lives from this place, this is empowerment. When we engage in self-discovery, we may find repressed parts of ourselves that long for expression. For example, maybe you have a creative side that doesn't get expressed. Most of us with family trauma have repressed playfulness. Our authenticity is the source of our vibrancy and fulfillment. What makes your heart sing? What energizes you? The women I work with describe the work of discovering their authentic selves as coming back to life. We explore your authenticity - body, mind, and spirit. We connect with inspiration. We discover and strengthen your connection to your Higher Self and your Divinity. And we grieve for the years we didn't feel okay being ourselves.

Step 4: Intentional life design. This is where we integrate all of our learnings. If fate is living from our childhood conditions, then destiny is living from our Authentic Self. We use what we have learned to create a more vibrant, connected, and meaningful life based on who I am, what I value, and what I desire for myself. The heaviness of my past only sweetens my experiences of joy, love, and fulfillment in the present. I’m excited for my future. I have perspective. I am grateful. And I feel liberated and at peace. Through my own healing, I have ended the cycle of generational trauma. We ask ourselves the big questions - What is my legacy? What do I want to be known for? I am able to manage the risk that comes with living fully. I'm no longer afraid; I am LIVING.

In summary, we need to give ourselves the support, love, and safe environment we didn't get as children. We need to create the conditions that support our growth so we may develop into our empowered adult selves.

When we have healing work to do, we still have a scared little child inside of us that doesn't realize it's possible to feel safe and to be loved for who they are. But it is possible. I've done it, and if I can, anyone can. It is my calling and divine purpose to repay the gift of healing I received to other women who are ready to reclaim their lives.